Words have the power to ruin your day and make you feel negative. The good news is that this only happens if you allow it.
I refuse to be corny and tell you to ignore people because sometimes that is not possible.
What I will say is that there are things you can do daily to help prepare your mind. That way when words catch you off guard you can do your best to move past it.
Ignorance is NOT bliss.
Tyshiana Johnson
I cannot tell you how many times I heard the saying ‘Ignorance is bliss.’
Whenever I would hear it I would brush it off as if it was the truth. Enough people said it, so evidently it had to be right. Right?
Truth is people say whatever comes to mind for several reasons. One of the most common is ignorance. People are at times unaware of how a statement can impact others.
When I was really struggling with cystic acne I constantly found myself saying the same things no matter the topic. I would be talking about my day at my job and somehow have to say:
‘Yes, I wash my face every day.’
Or I could be talking about a new TV show and somehow I would have to answer:
‘No, I’m not drinking too much soda. I don’t even drink soda.’
By the end of the conversation I was ready to say:
Watch your tone before I flip out.
Hearing some of the comments people would say about me and to me during my time with cystic acne made me feel angry.
The truth was, I believed what they were saying so hearing their comments reminded me of a few things. Like the fact that I might not be attractive or that I might need to change my eating habits.
Today, I can report that none of those were completely factual.
Here is why:
- I will not be attractive to everyone, that is fine. I am attractive to me and most importantly, I am comfortable with me.
- I could have had a better diet. However, I was balancing a job, full-time classes, and clubs at school. My plate was full, so eating the way I wanted was not an option for me. That was also fine. I gave myself a pass.
Dismissing the comments that made me uncomfortable helped me feel less angry and made their words irrelevant.
Key Points: When you feel your emotions getting the best of you after someone has said something think the following to yourself:
- Could this be true, and if so what can I fix?
- Does this person care about me, and if not should I value their opinions?
Everyone isn’t kind and considering enough to think about the feelings of others before they open their big mouths. That’s a fact that won’t change.
It takes a lot of energy to respond to people that make you feel guilty for going through something.
Learning how not to be defensive is a very difficult thing to do, for me at least.
If you are like me and could use help dealing with ignorant comments. Try these 3 coping tips daily to prepare your mind for the sometimes ignorant words of others.
Coping Tip (1) Affirmations
Fill your mind with positivity to counter any negativity before it reaches you.
I read affirmations in the mornings, when I feel discouraged, and before I go to sleep. It gives me something to live up to and reminds me of what I can be.
You can refer to exercise #10 in this blog post for some affirmation inspiration. Speak into existence who you are and let your actions follow through.
Logic: It will be difficult for someone to tell me that I am not beautiful today because I worked so hard to prove to me that I am. At this point, people who say otherwise are delusional in my opinion. So why would I consider their words?
Coping Tip (2) Reflect
Decide the truth from fake by spending time to get to know your inner thoughts.
Journaling is a great way to learn what concerns your heart. Pick up a pen or open up your laptop and just write until you have nothing left to say. Then, go back and read it.
You will learn what problems concern you and from there you can dig deep in your soul to decide what you care about.
Logic: The opinions of others do not matter if they are not true. Learning your truth is a way to become aware of yourself which also increases self-esteem.
Coping Tip (3) Always look good
Whatever your version is of ‘looking good.’ You need to do that as often as possible if not every day.
If you feel good you tend to act more happily. This post from Newsweek talks more about appearance and the impact it has on your life.
It is a lot harder for someone’s meaningless comments to throw you off guard when you are in a good mood.
Logic: Think of a special day in your life when you dressed really nice. Was it a Prom, a Wedding or a Formal. Hold on to that feeling and try to recreate it every day.
I mentioned earlier that people at times are ignorant of the impact of their words. It is our responsibility as decent people to think before we speak.
Try your best to make sure you are not on the sending end of a comment that can through someone off guard.
Listen to people when they talk and then ask if they need advice, encouragement, or a listening ear.
Xoxo,
Love Every Flaw
